In keeping with EPUK’s tradition of innovation, we are this week proud to announce the launch a new software suite for professional photographers. First Strike™, developed by Warren Terror Software, is designed to address major security issues in industry standard photo manipulation software such as Adobe Photoshop and Tesco PhotoRestyle.

The first module, Shooting Gallery™, is now available after extensive testing by the Metropolitan Police. See samples below.

Further modules include:

Blur Commissioner™: provides additional controls when used in conjunction with Shooting Gallery™. Features fuzzy character recognition [beta], and advanced artificial intelligence that immediately invokes the Perfect Frame™ tool when necessary.

Perfect Frame™: seamlessly patches together different parts of unrelated projects. Please be aware that video footage may be lost or distorted.

History Eraser™: corrects inconsistencies that may be introduced by excessive use of Perfect Frame™.

Smear tool™: allows total perspective control. Subject attributes may be freely manipulated.

Glock™ tool: does the opposite of red eye correction. For larger areas please use Apache™ or Shock-and-Awe™. Note: these tools currently do not have an ‘undo’ feature.

WOMD Detective™: may be deployed against landscapes, vehicles or persons. Features the same advanced AI as found in the Blur Commissioner™ module.

Final Solution Pro™: for global asset redistribution.

Oil Slick™: adds barrel distortion.

Guantanamo™ and Abu Ghraib™ filters: for untraceably and permanently removing unwanted artefacts from scenes. Includes a whole array of new special effects, including Strip, Stress, Hood, Whip, Waterboard, Electricity, Manacle, Humiliate, Abuse.

Rendition™ tool: drag and drop tool, specially designed for use in conjunction with the Guantanamo™ and Abu Ghraib™ filters.

Surge™ tool: provides simultaneous and rapid deployment of various other modules. Note: Surge™ is processor-intensive and may lead to a reduction in performance in other areas. If so provide additional cache or shut down other programs.

Strategic Withdrawing™ tool: almost always required after use of the Surge™ tool.

Media Management PRO™: allows complete control of all media resources, which may be embedded or disabled at will. WARNING: Prevents photography globally.

Visual Transport™: provides a global overview of the functioning of other modules. Note: Shooting Gallery™ and Visual Transport™ are designed to work independently of one another. When Shooting Gallery™ is launched Visual Transport™ shuts down automatically : this behaviour is normal.