EPUK Editorial Photographers United Kingdom and Ireland. The private mailing list and public resource for editorial photographers

It must be true: it was written in capitals

Are YOU wondering how you can make HUGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY from your pictures ? Are you impressed by CAPITAL LETTERS ! I CAN SHOW YOU HOW !!!! Just become a PAPARAZZI !!! In EIGHT easy steps ! Just look here !

(Editor’s note: Ah, sadly that website is no longer with us. But in the interests of criticism and review, you can find the original page here)

Step one: MOST IMPORTANT. You will apparently need a “macro” lens. That is because the most valuable celebrities you will photograph will be VERY VERY SMALL.

Step two: READ the testimonials, all of which come from photographers who are now SO RICH that they can afford to pay Google to EXPUNGE ANY MENTION of their existence.

Step three: Gasp at the stories of single pictures being worth “SEVERAL MILLION !!!”, and that seven figures are paid for a single photograph “AT LEAST TWICE EVERY WEEK !!!!” but don’t stop to think why the only picture spread actually shown is from a Guatamalan magazine of an obscure 70’s pop singer, and which they admit was actually taken by someone else.

Step four: Bask in the excellence of by BUSINESS ACUMEN, which cites the example of selling copyright to an unnamed British tabloids who then make TWICE THE AMOUNT OF MONEY PAID from syndicating them. Don’t bother to do the maths about whether it might be HANG ON TO YOUR COPYRIGHT.

Step five: Learn how I can GUARANTEE you will get TRIPLE what every photograph is worth. EVERY TIME. Try to ignore the inconsistency as to why I can haggle the price of my photographs up EXPONENTIALLY but why I’m selling this guide at a tenth of what I was advised to sell it at.

Step six: Picture editors DON’T CARE HOW MUCH THEY PAY FOR PICTURES ! They don’t have BUDGETS or ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENTS ! They just want to get the icky GREEN STUFF away from them as quickly as possible !

Step seven: Newspapers PAY INCREDIBLY QUICKLY ! I had just $200 in my account when I began as a paparazzi and within 4 days I had $90,000 in my bank account. Oh, that definitely happened, definitely. When you are a PAPARAZZI you get access to the SUPER FAST PAYMENTS AND BACS SYSTEM that normal suckers aren’t allowed to know about.

Step eight: I show you how to make $1 MILLION dollars in under 12 months. I can promise you is that you will make around $20,000 per week as a Papparazzi (sic) once you learn how. I promise once you know how, YOU WILL BE HOOKED! That is my promise and I guarantee it. (See below where I put it in writing which makes it a LEGALLY BINDING GUARANTEE!) But…whatever you do…DON’T CLICK ON THE GUARANTEE !!!! which gives an entirely different impression: “ClickBank will, at its option, replace or repair any defective product within 8 weeks from the date of purchase. After 8 weeks all sales are final.”

Good luck, wannabe paps ! Remember: No experience with a Camera needed! This is simple point and shoot, the only specialized thing you need is the macro lenses which give you access to intimate shots from a distance, everything else is just formalities.

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